8 ways a narcissist will change the way you love

At first, it was a perfect relationship. You thought you had finally found the one you were going to spend forever with. But over time, you realized it was a trap. Set by a manipulative narcissist who read you like a book and made you fall hard. When you finally walk away, you’ll be in thousands of pieces. Your outlook on love has changed. You won’t love the way you did before.

Trauma affects you deeply. It leaves you hollow and a shell of your former self.
You might have suffered but you have learned.

Nothing is worse than heartache. When we experience it, it impacts us in a huge way. We become jaded. Closed off. Determined not to let anyone else get too close. Every move is analyzed, every decision questioned. Nothing is taken at face value. Especially tales of love spoken by a new partner. Once you’ve escaped a narcissist, you’ll find yourself doing these eight things in your future relationships.

1. You’ll have trust issues.

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s a common occurrence to be lied to and manipulated. This imprints on your brain and from now on, you’ll find it impossible to trust anyone else. Including yourself. Not being able to rely on your own judgment is one of the worst ways that a narcissist affects your life. You doubt everything and everyone, most of all your own heart.

Narcissists will ruin your life and yet you'll feel like you're the one at fault.
Stay woke! Know the Signs.

2. You’ll constantly apologize, even when you don’t need to

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, every problem that happens is your fault. Even when it wasn’t. It’s a common technique used by manipulators called gaslighting. This is when they get so deep into your head that you begin to question your own mind. You think you’re crazy for noticing red flags. And he’ll make you think that anything he’s done wrong is somehow related to something you did first. Once you get out of that cycle, you still have those feelings of inadequacy. You’ll find yourself apologizing for everything, even if it’s nothing to be sorry for. 

Abuse doesn't have to be visible to be real. Narcissists will leave scars that no one will ever see but you.
Loving a narcissist can change your life forever.

3. You’ll keep your distance

Once you escape Hell, you’ll do everything in your power to keep from going back. This means keeping yourself closed off on future chances of love. You no longer trust your own judgment. You got it wrong once before. It could happen again. And you can’t risk going back into the darkness. If you get lost this time, you’re scared you won’t be able to break free again. So you build up walls. You don’t let anyone too close. You can’t risk it. No matter how much you may think you love someone. It’s too dangerous to give in. 

There's beauty in goodbye. You just have to wait to find out how.
It may hurt but sometimes you have to just move on. It’ll be worth it.

4. You’ll crave the feeling of security

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, they become your whole world. You’ve isolated yourself from everyone around you who might try to talk you out of your relationship. You become dependent on your captor because for so long, that’s what your life consisted of. When it’s over, you’re free from the torturous abuse cycle. Yet you still crave the feeling of having someone to be your protector. Your shield from the harsh reality of the world. A champion to save you.

5. You’ll be waiting for Hell to start

The problem with falling for a narcissist is that you don’t realize their true self until you’re too deep to escape. Things were great in the beginning. Amazing. And then the switch flipped. Your fantasy life became your nightmare. Once you get into a new relationship, you become nervous when things seem to be going good. You’ll find yourself on pins and needles, waiting for things to turn sour, like they always do. 

Don't be ashamed of needing to work on yourself. The great thing about life is we have an infinite amount of times to start over until we get it right.
Forgive yourself for believing the lies. Open yourself to starting over.

6. You’ll keep everyone at arm’s length

Once you start falling for someone new, the fear and insecurity of your past relationships will haunt you. You’ll find yourself pushing your partner away, terrified of being hurt again. Because it’s turned so rotten before, you’re preparing yourself for it to happen again. You don’t want to lose them, but you’ve been so hurt before, you’re scared to try again.

7. Being treated right is a foreign experience

Narcissists know how to get into your mind without you even being aware of it. At first, it’s incredible. They’ll sweep you off your feet with all their charm. And once you’re hooked, their true nature shows. Then, you’re constantly being treated like crap. You’ll suffer abuse in some form: physical, psychological, or emotional, or even all of the above. Once you start getting treated properly by your new beau, you won’t know what to think.

8. Time and effort will pay off. 

For now, you’re broken. Don’t be afraid to admit this. It takes true strength to rebuild yourself after a traumatizing relationship. Go at your own pace. And don’t be closed off to a man who constantly shows he truly cares for you. How will you know? Look for these signs

Everyone has a role in your life. Take the time to figure out what spot they deserve to play.
Everything happens for a reason. Live, learn. love.

It will take time for you to let anyone get past your walls but if a man truly loves you, he’ll put in whatever effort is necessary to get through. He’ll be patient and constantly show you he’s sticking around for the long haul. He’ll understand that you’re not cold-hearted and emotionless. You’re just protecting yourself from the chance of future heartbreak. From the crushing pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back. 

Things will get better

If you’re trying to recover from loving a narcissist, the first step is to forgive yourself. There is nothing wrong with you for not figuring out what he was really like. Narcissists are skilled at manipulation. They can get to anybody. It takes time but one day, you’ll be able to love again like you’ve never been hurt. Once you’re free, you’ll learn these things.

It's not your fault that you fell for a narcissist. Forgive yourself. He's the one who lost.
You’re not to blame. You did the best you could. You survived! Forgive yourself.

Trust me. I’ve lived through 10 years of Hell and it took a long time to get myself back to normal. I still do some of these things, even though I’m certain my new man is nothing like my tormentor. He understands. He doesn’t get mad. He’s patience and kind and supports me while I rebuild myself and learn how to love again. The right way this time. You can too. 

Hard times reveal true character. It may seem like the end of the word, but if it taught you a lesson, it wasn't a mistake.
Everything is a lesson if you just pay attention.

The Battle of Summertime Blues

Summertime blues:

At the beginning of the summer, children are ecstatic. School is out. They have the freedom to do what they want all day, without worrying about homework or getting ready for school the next day. They stay busy and active. But after a while, that freedom starts to lose its appeal. Children go from “I’m having so much fun!” to “Omg I’m going to die of boredom.” pretty quick.

You can wait until they hit this peak before you intervene, or you can cut the head off the snake in advance and start implementing these fun tips early on in your summer vacation. Regardless of when you use them, these five tried and tested ideas will help keep your kids entertained and chase away the summertime blues for you, and them.

summertime blues
“There ain’t no cure for the summertime blues.” … Until now.

1. Scavenger hunts

Scavenger hunts are a great way to keep your kids busy for an extended period of time. These can be tailored to your child’s age, interests, and locations. You can do a scavenger hunt in the house, looking for various items, such as pencils, an item that begins with the letter C, or something blue. The prizes can range from a piece of candy to chore passes to stickers. I often use Amazon to find ideas and purchase prizes. These are usually inexpensive and worth the money.

Helpful hint: you can also use these prizes for other things, like completed chores or homework, or a good behavior report from school. Children often repeat behaviors if they are rewarded for them in some way, shape, or form. Even with just praise. Try it out and see.

To really get your children involved in the scavenger hunt, let each of them design their own. Then each kid gets a turn hosting. This is often good for older children, who may get a bit bored with just finding things over and over again. And it allows them to use their imagination and be interactive.

Make your scavenger hunt educational, or to help your children learn to focus on details, such as when you go to the grocery store or the zoo. They’ll be learning life lessons and having fun at the same time. And you get to look like the genius super mom that you are! It’s a win-win.

2. Interactive theater

Interactive theater is fun for all ages and can be done a bunch of different ways. As a group, let your children pick out a short book that they then must act out. They can then decide if they want to act out just one scene or the whole book. If you want to get creative, let them design their own costumes to go along with the story. Or just use one prop and an imagination. These can be recorded for them to watch as they’re older and to preserve memories of a rare moment in time when the kids are all actually getting along. Ah, the tranquility of no bickering and squawking! And if you’re on a budget, costumes aren’t required for this activity.

This activity helps children use their imagination as they decide on the voices and behaviors of the character they want to play. It improves their memory. It boosts their confidence and improves their speaking skills. Depending on the age of your children, this activity might be something where you can be hands off, which allows you the joy of getting to be surprised by what they’ve come up with. Lights, camera, action.

Disney logo
Walt Disney Pictures (Image: Walt Disney)

3. At home movie theater

For the sake of your mind, be willing to surrender your living room (if the children don’t have their own private area like a playroom) for a movie marathon. You can participate or you can use the downtime to relax and read a book or if you’re like me, work. Pop a couple of bags of popcorn, make some snacks that will stand up against time, and pick a theme. Then select three or four movies and let the kids go wild.

Decorate the room to fit that theme. Design snacks to match. Wear themed clothing or costumes. Let the kids dress up as their favorite characters. The possibilities are endless with this. If your kids can’t agree on all the same movies, then allow each child to pick out one.

This is a great way to introduce your children to different cultures or time periods. You could pick a Chinese theme and show Mulan, Kung Fu Panda, and The Karate Kid. Serve Chinese food. Movies about animals? Let your kids show off their favorite animal with a picture or costume. Introduce them to classics like Homeward Bound and Wild America. Craft animal-themed snacks.

And if you really want to keep them interactive, give them a scavenger hunt or a pop quiz designed around the movies they’ve watched. Maybe what’s one Chinese word you heard? Or what’s something you learned about Chinese culture from watching these movies? Allow them to pick their own questions and have movie trivia. If you’re concerned about your children wasting time with technology, this is a good compromise. They get their TV time while you get to make sure they’re engaging and learning.

Art supplies
Art supply ideas

4. Art show

Let your kids do an art exhibit. Let them be as creative as they want, or that you can afford. Allow them to draw, sculpt, or paint based on a theme, such as the beach or the desert. Then allow your child to set up their own display. Maybe place the item front and center on the table. Or propped up on the mantle. This may require a little help from an adult or older sibling. Once all of the art has been placed around, have a pretend art exhibit where you walk from piece to piece. Have your child tell you about what they’ve designed, their inspiration for it, or how it was done.

Have your other children participate as well offering their opinions on their siblings’ work. You may have to warn them at first to be nice if you have teenagers and younger children as I do. But I have found that this is a great way to influence my kids to say nice things to each other instead of always fighting and insulting. On a few occasions, my older children would even offer to help teach their younger siblings something, which always warms my heart. Art truly is a thing of beauty.

5. Hide and seek

Hide and seek is a great way to keep your kids active. While it can be played indoors, you’ll want to make sure there are some rules that way it keeps an even playing field and keeps the kids out of sticky situations. My child once got stuck in the washing machine because she wanted a good hiding spot and I didn’t warn them to stay within certain parameters. That was a fun phone call to my father asking for help. When possible, it’s always more fun to let the kids do this outside. And as with all the other suggestions I’ve provided, this could be interactive as well. Perhaps the kids can only hide around something that starts with a T or a certain color.

This activity allows your children to get exercise, work on their numbers if they’re young enough to need to practice counting, and be observant as they’re having to really pay attention to the rules of the game. My kids are always finding new ways to add a new element to a basic game. As I type, they are playing hide and seek cartoon freeze tag, which apparently is when you hide and if you are tagged before you get to the base, you have to freeze and say a cartoon’s name and wait to be tagged before you get to try and run home. Instead of fighting over who’s next, they’re going in a consistent rotation and they seem to be having a lot of fun!

Show those summertime blues who’s boss!

Parents, I hope this list of activities is something you and your children are able to enjoy. Tailor them to suit your lifestyle, your children’s interests. Chase away those summertime blues. Be happy. Be active. Be thankful for this time with your children. As I learned just yesterday, there are only 18 summers between the time your child is born until they are grown. Make the most of them.

Flipping calendar
The days just fly by in the blink of an eye

Your turn

Do you have ideas for a fun activity that keeps your kids entertained? Feel free to share! We can never have too many tricks up our sleeves when it comes to kids.

Freelancing: How to make it work

Working from home:

Wanting to work from home is nothing new. Thousands of people have fallen for scams that promise to replace your corporate salary, without ever leaving your home. But as that old saying goes, if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. I took some time off as a writer while my life was falling apart. Now, like a phoenix that’s risen from the ashes, I’m back and revamping everything about myself.

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Life quote to live by

New edition:

While I was once a novelist, I have recently switched to writing articles. Of course, trying to find clients on your own can be a nightmare. So I did tons of Googling. I learned some pretty neat tricks, like just searching for “Write for Us” pulls up tons of websites that offer freelance submissions. Not all were paid for. Well, that can be fun, if you’re wanting to spend days or even weeks waiting on a response, which means no payday.

So, to supplement those long stretches of time, I decided to look up websites that hire freelancers right out. Of course, there is a website called Freelancer.com. And it can be okay for getting jobs but you have to bid against other freelancers and wait to see if you’ve been picked.

Another website I have been using quite frequently is iWriter. Now, this website allows clients to submit the details they want their article to be about. A writer sees it in the cue and accepts the job. Once they have written the piece, they submit it and wait to see if the client accepts it. If they do, you get paid. If they don’t, you may have to do some revisions or you may just not get paid at all. So far, I have not yet had an article declined so yay me.

This is also a great way to build up a clientele, as if the client liked your work enough, they might send you special requests, which means you get even more earnings than you would be selecting it through the lineup. I’ve managed to get a few different steady clients and it seems to be working well. If you’d like to see a sample of what I can write, check out these four articles: Article 1; Article 2; Article 3; Article 4.

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Sara Trimble logo copyright 2019

Need a writer?

From now on, you can also order articles directly from me. Simply send me an email and give me your proposal. I will be developing a price list soon to post for easier reference. Satisfaction is guaranteed and all work will be 100% original and plagiarism free. All topics are welcome. Let me see what I can do for you!

Be sure to leave a comment for your chance to win a free 500-word article. And don’t forget to follow me on social media! And if you’re a music lover, check out my hobby blog. I also run promotions and contests there.

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